Selig Cartwright, Goldman Sachs Washroom Attendant, Explores The Mysterious World of Quantitative Easing
By Michael Silverstein - The Moderate Voice
(The scene opens in the executive washroom of Goldman Sachs. Washroom attendant Selig Cartwright has just finished his morning chores as Mr. B. comes by for his usual 10 a.m. refresher.)Read the whole satire here
You’re looking chipper today, Mr. B. I thought all the layoffs on Wall Street would be getting you down.
Layoffs? Oh those. They’re only in The Street’s retail businesses with small investors or small businesses. Our derivative trade is booming.
Derivatives are that big a trade?
Selig, Selig, Selig. There are $846 trillion worth of these financial products out there now. Trillions, man. This isn’t chump change like the deals we did to help countries like Greece and Ireland in the past. Countries that now don’t even appreciate all we did for them.
Funnier about that, Mr. B. You’d think they’d be grateful.
A world of ingrates, Selig. Sometimes I wonder why we bothered.
Indeed, sir. But about derivatives. I thought that Dodd-Frank legislation was supposed to put a crimp in that trade. I mean, derivatives did almost bring down the world financial system a few years back.
Old news, Selig. Dodd-Frank could have been a problem for the derivatives market. But The Fed’s quantitative easing has solved that problem — along with a few others.